yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
