omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
