Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
