Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I think I died a long time ago.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
