I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
