JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
