I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
