Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
