Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I didn't shave. On purpose
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
