He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
