I want to make a zoo with you.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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