i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i dont even know how to be here
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Randomize
