This is not my ceiling
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
