she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
