I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
you inspire me to be a worse person
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
