That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize