you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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