Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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