This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
