So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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