At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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