I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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