so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
