Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
