I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
