Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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