As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
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