Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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