my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
