I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
