he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
