Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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