this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
our cab driver is having phone sex.
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on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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