Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Who died my cat blue again?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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