I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
her facebook's as public as her vagina
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
