you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
