well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
