How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
