She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
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