im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
