so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
i need some magic done to my vagina
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
