ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
ttyl tear gas
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
