Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
