No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Randomize
