How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
