just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
sarcasm needs its own font
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
