I look better un-naked...
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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