Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
True strength comes from lack of pants
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
