he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
