Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
