my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
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