So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
