Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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