so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
