God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Michael Bay diarrhea
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I will be naked everywhere
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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