Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
