I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
