i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
