Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
