U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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