shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
