so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
it glows. i had to have it.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
