Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Randomize
