I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
