Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
well you can't waste a boner
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
