Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
