Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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