there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
