Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Randomize
