chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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